Systemic Issues in Relationships
“Learning about your role as a guy in a hetero relationship and the systemic issues of masculinity are important because I don’t buy into this idea that there’s a specific way of being a guy, I think that there are infinite ways. It’s important for me to think about the systemic pressures of women as well. I consider myself a feminist, and I want to be equitable in our relationship through a feminist lens, and it’s important for me to understand the systems that get played because it informs how I am with my wife, and her sense as a woman in this world.”
Participant Age: 41
Participant Locale: Alberta, Canada
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
Deeper Conversations on the Balcony
“Traditionally, men have held power in all forms of society and certainly through relationships. I think I just see so many examples – even with our group of pretty progressive-minded, forward-thinking friends – these entrenched patriarchal sorts of ways of being in the relationship…I think it’s up to men to… I think women have been rightfully asking over time to change the way that we think about relationships. Across all of the feminist movements and continuing to #MeToo and everything, now it’s like ultimately men need to step up and be willing to change.”
Participant Age: 41
Participant Locale: British Columbia, Canada
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
Unseen Labor
“But this idea that in a different sex family, the father makes more money and goes out and does more of the physical labor, more work hours. Then, the mom is left with a lot of the home labor, the childcare labor, and the unseen labor and the unpaid labor. I think we are quite progressive in the way that we think about those things now. I think one of the things that I love about my partner is she’s really good at expressing even something like her experience of pregnancy, and how that stalled her career. It’s something that I think so many men take for granted.”
Participant Age: 41
Participant Locale: British Columbia, Canada
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
Gender Roles in Relationships
“I was the one that was filling the stereotypical female role in our relationship…for us, it made more sense that I was the one that take time off my PhD and that I was the one that does the homeschooling, and that I was the one who would pick up the extra stuff…I think so long as you are working together for each other’s mutual benefit and you’re both happy with the arrangement, then I don’t think you need to be too concerned about it.”
Participant Age: 39
Participant Locale: Scotland, United Kingdom
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
We All Deserve Pleasure
“I receive, I think, more pleasure, just from a natural sexual experience than she does and so the idea of supplementing that with some sort of toy or whatever it might be…was sort of an equity piece of making sure that both of our needs were met to the best of our abilities and sort of like taking that extra effort and that extra cost and that extra time.”
Participant Age: 30
Participant Locale: Washington, D.C., United States
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
Helping Each Other Out
“[When] I’m out of town, my partner will come by and water my plants, which is out of her way, but she’s willing to make the time and come by…and there are times where I do a similar thing, not watering plants for her, but driving her home, or picking something up for her.”
Participant Age: 28
Participant Locale: British Columbia, Canada
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
Two Pizzas
“It is a balance between being able to give too much and not enough. It’s more, from my experience, I tend to always cut the pizza in four and then give three pieces to her and only give one to me. But that’s not fair and at some point, you just build frustration because of that. So, here we have two complete pizzas.”
Participant Age: 24
Participant Locale: British Columbia, Canada
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
Accommodations
“If we go to this location, like she’ll want to do this activity and I might not choose that, like, first thing for myself. But then I’ll gladly go and do that activity and then I think similar for her. So it’s not my way or the highway type thing.”
Participant Age: 24
Participant Locale: Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married
I Like Flowers Too
“Some of my relationships, some of my partners, after I tell them, bought these kinds of flowers…Like, I am not writing down how many times I have bought roses or flowers and how many I’ve received. Still, occasionally, I might like some of those.”
Participant Age: 34
Participant Locale: Ankara, Turkey
Relationship Status: Single/Never Married
Working Together
“Due to COVID, we work from home mostly. By working together in the same environment, we can help each other. Since we work together, we feel that we are sharing the responsibility of income.”
Participant Age: 39
Participant Locale: Istanbul, Turkey
Relationship Status: Partnered or Married